My biggest regret when my mom’s unexpected death almost became a reality.
Today we celebrate! Mom has been kicked out of ICU cause she is doing so well. If you are reading this and wondering why she was there to begin with.... read the last blog I wrote, My Mom Died Four Times on Sunday.
She now will spend some time on the cardiac floor until she’s ready for rehab.... so she can get back to exercising her knee. Mom was so happy to get out of ICU she was dancing (in her chair) all the way up to the 4th floor.
Moving On Up!
When they told us she was moving on up from 3rd floor ICU to 4th floor cardiac unit, all I could think of was George and Weezie would love having mom for a neighbor.
I’m sure many reading this won’t get the reference. If you don’t, keep it to yourself cause that will make me feel old. ha!
Blood clots after her knee surgery is what started this whole mess that became a miracle. Today, we sit making plans for the future while making new memories in the here and now sitting together in a hospital room. New memories, that a week ago, we didn’t think we would ever happen. We’re so thankful for the extra time with mom. So incredibly thankful.
You know what else has me thankful? My biggest regret. Sunday when the doctor spoke to me on the phone and said, ‘honey, you realize your mom probably won’t be alive when you get here?’ I completely lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably driving to the airport. Walking through the gas station to use the restroom was difficult cause I couldn’t see clearly as the tears flowed steadily. Southwest staff were handing boxes of Kleenex to me, not knowing the situation but knew extreme sadness surrounded our trip. Tears stream down my face again as I think about it.
How could I lose her? This can’t be happening. I think it’s obvious for our minds to quickly turn to all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘I wishes..’. I was sad that she wouldn’t get to travel more. I thought about all the things she will miss.... my boys’ graduations, weddings, great grandkids, etc. I think about all the ‘happily ever afters’ she wants for all those she loves and won’t see. We all want more time with her.
Before I even had time to process the news, I started thinking about regrets.. I regretted that I didn’t take a pic of mom and the boys over spring break. Or a pic of her and I. When taking pics last month, I focused heavily on my 101 year old grandma when we visited. I was kicking myself for not getting pics of my mom too.
And my other regret was not actually talking to my mom in the 48 hours after surgery and before her body shut down. We texted many times but she was napping during my one attempt to actually call her. I was wishing I would have called to have her voice fresh in my memory.
And those regrets are why I’m thankful. Why? Because in the grand scheme of things, that was minor stuff to regret. While there are a lot of things I might not do well, trying to live a life without regrets is one of them. I make mistakes. Plenty of them. But making those most important to me a priority is certainly not one of them. I love my people and strive to pour into the relationships that matter most to me.
Live with no regrets. Do the things you enjoy. Enjoy the people you love. Love the life you’ve been given.
What can you do today for those you love? Who do you need to forgive? How can YOU pour into your relationships that matter most? Don’t wait. There’s always a chance it could be too late.